Today, we went sledding at Pine Hill Lake Park in Mason. What fun! This year, the boys actually would sled down the hills (very different from last year, crying, screaming, ugliness that just won't be mentioned!) We went to the park and went down slides, and used the swings too. Good times had by all!

God's gentle correcting in my life...

This past Christmas, Todd bought me a revised edition of Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest, because I had such trouble understanding the original version. God has used it almost daily as His means by which to bring conviction into my life. Last night, Todd and I were praying together. I felt led my the Holy Spirit to pray different parts of the Bible, nothing new. Today, Oswald Chambers addressed our motivation to serve, is it from God or our enemy? Well, last night, I prayed Psalms 130:23-24:

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my thoughts.

Point out anything in me that offends you,

and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

He did just that. He pointed out that my motivation to finish support raising had changed. When? How? Why wasn't I aware of this? We just were given an extension to finish up the support. I should have been happy, rather, my heart was mad and full of pride. Just the previous day I was at peace, knowing God was in control and leading us. When did this ugliness enter me? I recognized my heart attitude, and repented, kind of. I have still be throwing a temper tantrum, the kind that would even embarrass my two year old. I am mad that we keep having "due dates" when other families that began at the same time are being treated with total grace, we are given the law, not grace. I have asked over and over why God is allowing this to happen. Nothing, nope, not a single answer... Chambers stated that our hearts should "delight in doing God's will" but my heart was self-satisfaction. I want to prove Nancy wrong, (she is the one giving us the final due dates). I want her to know that only God says we continue or stop, not her! Secretly, I keep hoping if I learn whatever it is that God wants me to learn, He will bring in the last of the support. Wow, what an ugly heart I have. Our God will not be manipulated or deceived. Thus, I am sad at the state of my heart. Nancy isn't in charge of my heart, I am. I am to be blamed... In Exodus 34:6, God states truths about himself, that quickly came to mind:

I am the Lord. I am the Lord, the merciful and gracious God. I am slow to anger and rich in unfailing love and faithfulness.

Praise God! I am thankful that He quietly, gently, and graciously revealed hidden sin in my heart, and is faithful to restore my heart to one that gives Him glory. May God be glorified. Yesterday, the only word I received from God was this: wait. So, I will wait, knowing God is rich in unfailing love and faithfulness.

House for sale in Mason

We are starting the process of selling our house if anyone is interested!

House for sale in Mason

Spinning Plates

Recently, we had some friends over for dinner. As custom, before ending the evening, we pray together about what is going on in our lives. One of our friends received a visual while praying, of a hammer and a nail. As she prayed about it later, she felt God saying that He has given us all the tools we need. She commented to me about how I need to press into God more, and out of that place of intimacy, the outflow will be ministry, family, marriage, etc. As I prayed today, I felt God impressing upon me that I am not pressing into Him. What am I focused on? Today has been crazy, with potty training and ministry, I feel like I can't keep all my "plates" spinning. So, after showering during naptime, I sat before the Lord, verbally setting down all the plates I feel like I have to maintain "spinning" in my life. Back to the question of what am I focused on. God showed me that I am so much more worried about what others think of me, and how do I compare, what do they think of me, do I measure up? I will never measure up, even if I do, in my head, where the enemy places lies, I will never measure up. So, the question becomes... How do I put those plates down, to only focus on pressing into God, and wanting to measure up to His standards? Not sure...

Potty Training, a Painfully Slow Process...

We have started the potty training process yet again. The memories of working with Garrett have not faded, sadly. We are trying a new approach, starting with lots of prayer, grace and patience. Thanks to the suggestions of Kelly Bettinger, we are using pretzels and Kool-Aid to aid in the peeing process. We will see. If you can, pray for us, that Joshua picks up on this super fast! Any suggestions welcome!

Dayton Air Force Museum

Saturday we went to the Dayton Air Force Museum as a family. Saturdays are our Sabbath and Family Day. The boys had a great time, and got to sit in a cockpit and a spacesuit! I would recommend it, it is free!

The Beach Waterpark Holiday Fest

Thanks to Carol Venn, we were able to attend Holiday Fest at the Beach Waterpark, for free! We had a great time, despite the cold rain. The boys fed a baby goat, by bottle, Joshua and I rode the Merry-Go-Round, and both boys rode ponies with Daddy! Thanks so much Carol! You rock big time!

the domino effect of SIN...

Ministry has proven overwhelming. I cannot let it "roll off my back" as I hear of marriages being destroyed and lives being crushed. I carry the burden. I needed a long walk today to vent my frustrations to God. Why did He create us, knowing full well that Satan, our enemy,would pursue us endlessly? That just doesn't feel like love, not today. Recently, God has been preparing us for full-time ministry on campus by using friends as tools for creating boundaries. This week, we were shown that there was a need to further protect our marriage. No matter how much I love another family, Todd must minister to the males, I minister to the females. No one of the opposite sex can be in the house when only one of us is here, even with kids home. It left open the door for Satan to whisper into Todd's ear lies that he just couldn't shake... Even more, no long phone conversations, because they foster too much intimacy. That was shocking to me, because I just want to be a listening friend. The line has been drawn, and we are working to obey.
As I walked, I reflected on the effect sin has in our lives. Each decision triggers another, opening the door to deeper obedience to Christ, or sadly, opening the door to disobedience, and allowing Satan a foothold. In my mindseye, I saw sin, depicted as an altar to worship. Just like in Old Testament times, something must be burning on the top of that altar. What is burning? Those people, dreams, relationships- that are affected because I chose sin rather than God's way. They are sitting on top, burning into ash that will become marred forever. In marriages, kids are being sacrificed for so many cheap desires. I began to ask God, what was my altar, my sin? Were my kids suffering, my marriage? I would like to say God said, "No, Tami, you're doing great." Not so much. Each time I sacrifice my time with God, for laundry, a nap, Facebook, or this website, I am starting a domino effect in my life. Where it ends I do not know. It scared me though. How will it change my marriage, Garrett and Joshua? How will it change me in the future? Without a doubt, it makes it harder for me to hear from the Holy Spirit.
God has really been pressing me about protecting my marriage. He has been blessing us, just recently, redeeming an area that really reflected more death than life since our wedding day. Another insight from God about the domino effect. Since we didn't wait for each other physically, we both brought in baggage we didn't know we were carrying. Eight years later, we are still dealing with the effects. It has been eight years of praying for God to heal us. Praise God for the healing, but I wish I understood the domino effect as a teenager. Satan truly deserves the name, The Deceiver. Once that first domino falls, the deception becomes harder and harder to recognize. Where am I being deceived? Where is my unconfessed sin? Well, I am off for a quiet time. Time to wait on the Holy Spirit's voice.